Reflections on Help This Friday

Not sure if it's because of my independence or perhaps my responsible nature, but it's hard for me to accept help from others. Instead of being grateful, for some reason my mind thinks if I accept help it undermines my independence and ability to cope. My reaction toward receiving help has been a habit that is very hard to change. There have been numerous times my Michael has offered to help me in a variety of ways; instead of accepting his help and advice, I will do it my own way. Unfortunately, more than once this has led to poor decision-making on my part that could have been avoided if only I had accepted his help. For an example, see my previous post on the house-painting project. I wanted to make a decision on my own so instead of waiting for him to review the bids, I charged ahead and now I'm paying the consequences for my poor attention to detail. This all could have been avoided if the help offered had been accepted.

In seeking insight on-line in order to improve, an article listed several very plausible reasons why I am so reluctant to seek help:

*You may feel that you're totally independent and don't need any help, or that any person offering you help may be doubting your ability to remain independent. You might have been raised to be especially independent or felt independent from an early age as a result of circumstances, such as irresponsible parents resulting in a need to "raise yourself".

*You may be frightened of rejection or you may have a tendency to perfectionism; both motivations can cause you to avoid accepting help for fear of failing or being seen as a failure.

*You may have had a much harder life than others and had to work harder than others you see around you now, or you may simply feel yourself far more independent. Consequently, you might feel that people not handling their own affairs is a sign of inferiority or incompetence.

*You might feel vulnerable. Perhaps somebody let you down in the past and you swore never to let that happen again, and spun a cocoon of self-reliance as your chief defense. Not wanting to show your perceived vulnerability can cause you to refrain from asking for help.

*If you're a business owner or professional of any description, you may be worried that needing help can serve as a sign of a lack of professionalism. This is also a problem in public roles where signs of vulnerability may put your position in harms way.

*You may hold a belief that it is a sign of weakness to reveal any problems at all to any other person.

 

In reviewing the above, the ones that strike to my heart are using self-reliance as a cocoon to protect myself along with being a professional who does not want to show vulnerability. In addition, refusing to accept help can come across as perfectionism and arrogance, which are not qualities I wish to portray.

My goal is to begin small steps to accepting help from others, especially when they only want the best for me, which is all my Michael ever wants in his life. Accepting help when offered, rather than rejecting it, will only serve to benefit both of us.