Monday, March 22, 2021

Sarcastic Zen Sayings


• Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

• Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

• The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

• Some days you’re the bug; some days you’re the windshield.

• If you ever feel you are worthless remember that you are full of expensive organs.

• It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.

• Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.

• Always remember that you’re unique, just like everyone else…

• Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

• Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

• If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

• No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

• If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

• The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

• A closed mouth gathers no foot.

• Duct tape is like ‘The Force’. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

• Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.

• Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

• If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.





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