Of Loss and Love

Last night I shared an unexpected call from my friend Lynn.  Since I don't receive the paper anymore, she wanted to let me know that one of  my first flames circa 1982 had passed away at 49.  We then spent some time talking about the passage of time with other people - former bosses retiring, classmates who have passed away, and aging. 


Hearing that an old boyfriend passed away didn't necessarily affect me.  There were times we had fun together; there were times, at the end, that he was abusive to me so reliving those moments aren't part of my memories.  However, those times were important life lessons that led me to my current state of mind.


There are parts of my past love lives that anger me and fill me with resentment and disappointment.  During my daily walk the other day, which I've come to enjoy as a time of reflection, I was rolling around in my mind the romantic relationships with which I've been involved.  Why did I accept this behavior?  Why did I not listen to my gut instincts?  Why did I make those choices?  It then came to me that any anger still lingering about these men should be tossed to the wind, set aside in the past as they no longer affect my life in the present.  In addition, I should be grateful, rather than ashamed, for these relationships because they all provided learning experiences in my life.  Each relationship gave me unique gifts - two children and ultimately independence from my first marriage; two stepchildren from my second; and the ability to discern honesty from flattery and attention in the third.  It seems I've spent years justifying my marriages and making excuses for my poor mistakes when it comes to my love life.  However, in the true sense these were not mistakes - they occurred for specific reasons in order that a life lesson can be learned.  But now is the time to cast those memories to the moon since they have no bearing on my personal development for my future.


I've also learned from the behavior of past men how truly wonderful, honest, and ethical is my love for Michael.  He wants nothing from me other than my happiness and I the same for him.  Of course there have been trying times and struggles between us but those were times made for us to grow together and learn to support each other.  I can't say enough how I've been blessed having him in my life and I look forward to additional overwhelming memories of our time together.


Here's to living through life's struggles and joys and learning along the way!

Where's Ironman When You Need Him?

After my walk and lunch today, I strolled into the blood drive to let the donation begin. Ushering me to a private area, I answered questions about my health.  The next step was to test my iron, which had to be above 12.5.  No problem, right?  Well, wrong.

After sticking my right finger, the iron calculator came back 12.1.  WTF??  I've never had low iron. The gal decided to stick my left finger because readings can be different. At that point my fingers were sore and both sported tiny circle bandaids.  I sat and waited for the reasons, bwhich finally appeared at.... 11.6!  What was going on?

At that point the nurse gave me a flyer extolling the virtues of spinach, red meat, and whole grains, all the while ushering me from the room. Humph!  My plans for an unselfish act was dashed!

I'm going to chock my low iron count to eatinv more fish and chicken as opposed to a need for Geritol!

Happiness, Health, and Hound

Yesterday the feeling simply crept up on me and I couldn't hold it in - happiness!  Of course life throws curveballs at us but examining my life, the good and the bad, I couldn't help but have an overwhelming feeling of gratefulness, contentment, and downright pleasure.  Perhaps it was the sunshine, the blue sky, or the endorphins pumping through my body after my daily walk; regardless, it's a good feeling.

Last weekend found me visiting my man on Saturday and Sunday at his new temporary residence, the rehab facility.  I'm so proud of him for being so strong and weathering all the health storms with which he's faced. Sunday was so full of sunshine and warmth we made our way outside to sit in the sun and chat.  Monday his cousin cleaned him up with the trimmers, shaving off all the gray burly beard and he's has returned to the goateed dapper dude that I love.

After arriving home on Sunday, the evening was spent watching Mad Men, cleaning my room, and sorting out a big pile of clothes for donation that are now either too big or just haven't been worn.  Quite the accomplishment!  Now it's time to go through my shoes....uh, maybe that task can wait until the fall!

On Monday along with walking during lunch, I increased my stair climbing from 8 1/2 floors to double that.  I'm now hiking the floor stairs twice and it's going great.  

Yesterday was a highlight for my little Stubbs. For months I've been submitting his picture to Good Day Oregon for their morning Good Day pets segment; unfortunately, his picture has never appeared on television.  Monday night his cute little picture below was sent to them for consideration; low and behold, Tuesday morning my little pup was up front and center, bright and bold on the Good Day show.  

Last night after work I made a pit stop to Ross, where I found the score of the day.  Cute little black dress for only 49 cents!  It's a wee bit snug right now but after 10 more pounds it should wear just fine.

This afternoon will find me doing my part for the needy - giving blood.  We are hosting a blood drive at work and, since I'm the coordinator for it, my duty led me to sign up to donate.  

Happy Hump Day fellow Divas!!!

Bucks, Bank, and Babe

The weekend has already started with a bang!  Last night after work I hit the casino to try my luck.  Ended up winning a cool $1,000 so that was exciting!  This morning I weighed in and lost another 2 lbs -yowza!  After getting my dirty car washed and being the first one at the bank to deposit my winnings, I topped the day off  by visiting my love in his new temporary digs at a rehab facility in Portland. So nice to see my man go from life and death to sittin in a chair chattin with me. He is blessed!

Urban Decay a Winner

At some point I received a sample of Urban Decay eyelid primer, a primer I was aware of but never used.  My makeup drawers contain tested tubes of ELF, Mary Kay, NYX, and other assorted eyelid primer but never Urban Decay.  Well, it's a definite winner and will be my primer of choice from now on.  My eye shadow didn't budge an inch - stayed all day, no creeping, no crawling, no melting...it is a definite great product!  And you only use a smidgeon; I have a variety of six samples which should last me several months.

Healing, Peeling, and Feeling

Yesterday was a very special day.  I was able to see and actually talk with my Michael!  He was moved out of ICU and into a recovery room and is doing so well.  Still have to dress in a gown and gloves to see him along with a mask due to my cold but it was worth it.  At least the mask covered up my poor flaky, peeling nose that had been slathered in Vaseline.  I surprised him with a gift from stepmom Arlene - a card and little purple orchid, which brought a smile to his face.  It is almost surreal to go from my man teetering between life and death to seeing him sitting up in bed, smiling and talking.  We have all been blessed with his recovery.

When I arrived home I had another unexpected surprise- a beautiful bouquet from sister Eilene and her hubby Gary.  What a sweet gift!  Thank you sis!  I sent Michael a picture and he loved them as well.

The cherry on top?  I reached my 20-lb goal loss yesterday!  Taking it day by day to become a healthier me!!  Here's the next 20 along with Michael's release from the hospital!!!

Stress Has Taken Its Toll

Oh life...you can be so hard at times!  After a week of intense prayer and a team of medical doctors, my man is on the mend. To go from being so close to death then coming out of it has been a miracle.  He is unable to speak due to the ventilator, but he is able to communicate via note and text.  He also calls me to simply listen to my voice; I fill him in about my day, knowing he can only listen.  He is making slow, steady progress and for that I'm truly grateful.

After returning to work, my defenses are down and my own body has revolted. After sniffing and sneezing yesterday, I woke up this morning with a confirmed case of a cold. Ugh. Headachy, warm, and congested, I will be staying in bed today. God bless my co-workers for picking up the slack while I'm out.

Here's to improved health not only for my Michael but for me.