I Want a Saturday Night Do Over!

Simply put, last night was bizarre!  Diva Shelly was coming over to pick me up so we could hit bar where my guy plays darts.  I had gotten cleaned up and was waiting for Shel to arrive.  I looked outside because I thought I saw her rig pull up.  Nope...it was the county sheriff.  Uh oh - cops are never a good sign!

I answered the door dressed in my jeans, black top and bootie heels - my party outfit for the evening.  The sheriff asked if one of my sons lived there.  Again, uh oh...what has he done that I don't know about?  I quickly grabbed Sam and we headed out to the porch, barking Stubs in tow.  Apparently one of his friends had stolen money from someone and they wondered if Sam knew about it.  They also informed Sam that his friend had stolen a video game and cologne from Sam himself.  As Sambo was fessing up to what he knew about his buddy, I saw Diva Shelly pull up to my street.  I imagined in my head what she must have been thinking see me and my kid on the porch with a copper. 

The sheriff wrapped up his questions with some additional reminders about telling the truth and reiterating that real friends don't steal from others.  We all agreed and the sheriff departed, on his way to apprehend the teenage criminal. 

Shelly then made her way into the house.  As I wasn't driving, I wanted to get the party started before we hit the bar.  Unfortunately, the only alcohol I had in the house was vodka...and no mixer.  What the heck - I'll just slug back some of that straight.  Just as this wasn't a wise idea when I was a teenager, drinking alcohol straight continues to be an idea without merit.  As Shelly and I stood on the back porch talking, I took a few shots of the vodka.  It all seemed good until the very last gulp.  I coughed.  I sputtered.  Then I proceeded to woof my cookies onto the lawn.  Poor Shelly.....between the cop and my puking, she didn't know what to think!  The whole situation was so ridiculous I was having a hard time keeping it together - laughing and vomiting are two bodily releases that should never be combined!

Yeah, like this!

After touching up my puffy, mascara-streaked face, we then hit the road to the bar.  Walking in, I immediately saw my guy.  We ordered some beer (no, the puking didn't damper my intent of having a good time) and began to chat with my guy and the others sitting with us.  Remember the weird vibe I got from that tavern a few weeks ago?  Shelly was getting the same vibe from the dart place.  To make matters worse, a woman who sat across from us kept staring at me.  Perhaps the word "staring" is too kind.....glaring is a better description.  As I talked with Diva Shel, I could sense with my peripheral vision her eyes piercing into me.  I would occasionally glance over and give her a short smile, which I hoped would encourage her to stop giving me the evil eye.  Shelly leaned over and whispered "why is that woman glaring at you?"  I didn't have a clue.  I had met both her and her husband before so I have no idea why she was giving me the stare.

This similarities between
this picture and the
drunk chick are
purely coincidental!


In addition, a drunken chick was trying to monopolize my guy in conversation, a situation I was not about to accept.  As am I, my guy is friendly with everyone.  Unfortunately, this chickster, who apparently had been carrying an unrequited torch for my beau, thought she might still have a chance with him.  Sorry honey - when you've got the Diva, there's no need to look further for excitement in your life.  She simply didn't stand a chance, which I was happy to hear reiterated by my guy to me when my annoyance level with her behavior began to escalate.  I'm a lover, not a fighter but I was on the verge of opening a can of whoop ass on that inebriated lass! 

I'm not sure about all of the random weirdness that occurred last night.  I can only chock it up to the stars aligning or perhaps a full moon in the sky.  I'm hoping none of this occurs the next time we are out together at the regular spot. An evening with no cops, no puking, no glaring, and no drunken chicks will make for a very happy Diva!  And I'm sure Shelly would concur!!