But First, Of All Things, is Me

It’s been a whirlwind two years in my life, including the graduation and independence of my older child; the upcoming graduation of my youngest; the death of my father; dealing with significant stress and commute of my job yet overcoming those obstacles to find satisfaction in my position; an unexpected yet blessed divorce; entering the dating world, which led to one short-term boyfriend quickly followed by a long-term relationship; and recently becoming again single.  In the last year my strength and resolve has been tested and new rules have been instituted to ensure my home is safe and provides a sanctuary.  My will as a single mom has been tested to the highest levels.  Although there have been some rough patches, my finances continue to provide for the living expenses for myself, my kids, and my dog.  My goal to grow my two sons into responsible men is steadily moving along, especially now that both are adults. 
 
Now the time has come for my own self-reflection.  I’ve sought to fill my post-divorce life with dating, seeking to find someone who will love me.  But that isn’t enough.  Before love or a new relationship finds me, there are other personal obstacles that must be obtained.  In order to be happy with someone else, my first goal is to be happy with myself.   The ability to stand my ground, say “No” without explanation, and follow through must be established within my core.  My detrimental habit of seeking approval and giving to all others above my own better interests must be eliminated.  My ability to set boundaries must be reinforced and my personal life needs to borrow strength from my professional demeanor.  This isn’t to say I’m flopping on the floor with no teeth to my will; these are simply areas that need my attention for improvement.
 

What does all this self-insight mean?  That my spirit needs a rest – a time to eliminate outside chaos and turmoil; a time to seek peace; and a time to pamper my heart.  A time to continue my course for health and wellness all the while grooming my sons to fly the nest. As with the Project Runway cast-offs, it’s time for me to bid Auf Wiedersehen to the tattered whirlwind of my past two years and look forward to a time of peace, happiness, and contentment.  It's time to picture myself as a sculptured, pink high heel stiletto encased in diamonds....a beautiful piece of work which is deserving of my love.