Thought Provoking

Happy New Year's Eve!

Black Coffee and Blood Work

Coffee without creamer....ugh!  Or should I say UGH!  But that is the requirement for today, well at least this morning.  I've been putting off getting my periodic blood tests done so now I've ended up on the last day of the year having to go in this morning to get them completed, especially so the bill can hit my 2012 deductible.  The lab opens at 7:30 so this task will be over and done with this morning just in time for me to have a little vanilla creamer in my coffee.

Life Lessons Learned With Mop in Hand

This weekend has been filled with cleaning, cleaning and more cleaning!  I started with laundry then the kitchen then moved on to the back pantry room.  I stripped it bare then rearranged it to be more organized.  I also cleaned out Stub's litter box area as it needed to be mopped.  Unfortunately, after dumping bleach on the floor I realized there were some serious pee pee ammonia spots.  As we all know (but I forgot) bleach and ammonia are not to be mixed!  Therefore, it was a good sign my mop broke just as I started scrubbing the floor, which led to my removal from the room before permanent brain damage could occur.   Running to the store after showering, I picked up a new mop along with some ornament storage boxes.  Michael and I spent a relaxing evening at home then this morning I was at it again, breaking in my new mop by finishing up the laundry, back room, and kitchen.  Michael left for home and, with the boys with their dad, I have the day to myself to pack up the Christmas decor.

As always, life is a lesson and one was taught to me this weekend.  I've always been so used to doing tasks on my own that I forget Michael is willing and able to help me.  In fact, he yearns to help me and be my partner with everything, including cleaning and organizing.  But since my old habits are hard to die, I often forgo asking him to help with household tasks.  I made up for that this morning; before he left for home he helped me move some items from the top kitchen shelves then we tackled together the bathroom light bulb that refused to budge.  And we were victorious as a team!!  Life IS easier when you have a willing partner to help carry the load.  Thank you babe!!!

Here's to having a clean and organized 2013!!

It's Friday!!!

Christmas After Glow

It's the day after Christmas and I'm still basking in the glow of such a wonderful holiday.  After waking, grabbing coffee, then urging the kids to awaken, we opened our gifts.  Tons of goodies brought smiles to our faces, including two new pairs of shoes and a purse for me!  Following the gifts, Michael, Jordan and I got ready for the movies while Sam played his new PS3 game.  Leaving Sam at home to bond with his game, we three hit the road for Gresham for Jordan and I to see Les Miserables while Michael checked in on his apartment and visited friends.

The movie was epic but filled us with tears.  Jordan and I sat close to the front among the throng of attendees, thankful it was so dark to hide our crying.  It was quite the cathartic 2 1/2 hours of emotion.

Following the movie, Michael picked us up and we returned home to make dinner.   Fried chicken, macaroni and cheese, butternut squash, green bean casserole, and homemade buttermilk biscuits - it was a feast! 

We hit the hay early last night and, at almost 10am, haven't pried ourselves out of bed yet.  While part of me wants to check out the 50% off deals at various stores, another part of me wants to kick back and enjoy the couch all day long.  We'll see which side wins!!

Introspective Christmas Eve

"If I say something or do something people (including my friends, family, children, and loved ones) don't like or do something people don't agree with, I won't be loved."

The above statement is the biggest lie I've believed for many years.  After serious soul-searching and contemplation, along with the help of a qualified therapist, I've come to learn that my life decisions should not be made based upon the approval of others.  Instead of saying what I believe others expect of me, I'm learning to verbalize my point of view and what matters to me.  Seeking approval from everyone as well as putting myself at the bottom of my priority list, after all these years, just hasn't worked for me.  It's made me unable to clearly state my expectations of life and allowed everyone else to have control over the choices I've made because I've given them the right to approve or disapprove.

The first few times I threw caution to the wind, stepped out and stated how I truly felt to a loved one, I was scared.  Beyond scared - fearful to the core that my honest truth would get me into trouble, I would be sternly judged, and all the love in my life would be lost.  This co-dependent behavior was so deeply rooted since my childhood and my adult life it steered my life course, turning my path so everyone's approval was what I sought. 

My kids became my first guinea pigs.  Would they still love me if I told them "No"?  Would they respect me?  Or would the world as I knew it come to a screeching halt? 

What occurred was at first a mystery to me.  When I said "No" and set down rules for which they must abide, it seemed they loved me even more.   How could this be?  None of the fantastical storyline in my head came true and in fact the opposite occurred.  My boys did what I expected and have learned to be more responsible.  My home has once again become my sanctuary.  Stating my honest opinion and not wavering on my expectations has resulted in far greater positive outcomes than I ever imagined. 

It also made me feel good.  Better than good, empowered and independent!   If my thoughts were so truly wrong about the reactions I expected from those whom I love the most - my children - then my new angle on communication could only bring a far more positive reaction inwardly than I ever expected.

Seeking approval from others and learning to communicate honestly without premeditation is a hard habit to break.  And, as with all new habits, takes dedication and perseverance to implement.  Sometimes I fall back into old patterns of communication then have to pick myself up, dust myself off, and start all over again.  I'm striving to sidestep those co-dependent potholes because in the end they cause more damage to my inner self than taking the healthy route.

Because I've behaved in a certain way for some many, many years, some people like me that way and expect me to continue in this self-destructive manner.  Is it selfish to vocalize my honest opinion?  To state what I do and do not like?  And who better to make a decision than me about what happens in my life?  Anyone can disapprove of my choices but it is my right to make decisions as I see fit.  While I always accept and appreciate well-thought advice, the bottom line is that the best decision to be made for me will be done by me.  Because the approval I've always sought I've now come to understand should be my inward approval, not the approval of others.  And for all those who love and respect me should do so regardless of the choices I make, the opinion I voice, or my honesty. 

Enough introspection for this wonderful Christmas Eve!  This 2012 has brought me wonderful blessings and I truly wish for continued blessings to occur for my family and many friends in the new years to come.

Merry Christmas Eve!!!

Aww, it's hard to believe it is only one more day until Christmas.  After sleeping in this morning, the vote was three against one (me) that we all open a Christmas Eve gift.  Sam ended up with a sweatshirt, Jordan a movie, Michael a goodie basket and me a cute pair of flats.  Here's to hoping we can hold out until Christmas morning to rip into the rest of our presents under the tree!!

TGIF!

Heaven Welcomes a Hearty Fisherman

Goodbye to my father Jerry Shepard, who passed away peacefully in his sleep yesterday evening.  I pray you are catching that big steelhead in heaven!

Shepard Family Christmas 2012

Saturday we spent with my large family, celebrating Christmas and enjoying everyone's company along with the great food.  The $10 gift game was fun, although I ended up returning home with a hand-held back massager.  Hard to believe another year has passed!

 

It's Friday Divas!!!

Awwww... Friday is here!  It's been a long week - Safety Potluck on Tuesday, doctor appointment on Wednesday, and Admin Potluck/Ornament Exchange on Thursday. Since we're gearing up for the annual Shepard Family Christmas party on Saturday, in that honor I took today off from work.  Unfortunately, I woke up at 3;30 am stuffy with a headache; although this early wake up call allowed me to watch the ending of Project Runway, I've already gone through 1 1/2 rolls of toilet paper blowing my nose.  Gave up and popped half a Benydryl, which no doubt will provide me with unintentional nap time.  I need to get some blood work done this morning but, in my stuffed up stupor, my coffee ended up having creamer which cancels out the blood draw.  Dang it - perhaps Monday will be a more fitting day to be poked and prodded.

Once my foreseen nap is over and nose is clear, my first stop will be for a mani/pedi, which hasn't occurred in forever!  No acrylic nails - too damaging - but a good cuticle push-back is in order.  Then a bit of Christmas shopping before returning home to pull goodies from the freezer so they can thaw for the family soiree tomorrow. 

Here's to a wonderful weekend Divas filled with much love and even a few surprises! 



 

 

I'm going to do this!!

We've Come a Long Way Baby

Brother Todd shared several ads from the Mad Men days, all of which make you go "hmmmm."  Here's a small sampling of them - enjoy in horror!!

We Need A Little Christmas Right This Very Minute!

Today I was feeling the holiday spirit so I pulled out all the stops to jingle in the merry at work.  The only thing missing was an ugly Christmas sweater!!!

Awwwww......

Not My Victory But His

When plans don't go the way I desire, I often fault myself.  What I should really be doing is thanking God that He has another plan in mind for my future.  And it will have an even bigger and better outcome than anything I could have foreseen on my own.

There was an opportunity I deeply desired that I found out yesterday would not be in the cards for me.  Although I was bummed, I decided to look on the bright side, knowing something just right for me would be coming my way. 

Despite my disappointment, I celebrated a personal win in my work yesterday.  Last week I had to represent the company during an unemployment appeal.  This is a normal occurrence in my life; however, this time I was up against the former employee and her attorney.  All by myself with my sole testimony, facts and figures to defend the company position. Over two hours of grueling testimony, pointed questions, and a healthy serving of disgruntled employee dishonesty thrown in to boot.   It almost felt like David versus Goliath. Yesterday the verdict arrived in the mail and.....I won.  Yep, I won!  It was a sweet victory for truth and justice (yes, please let me channel Wonder Woman on this one!)

In the end, when one door closes another opens.  I may have lost out on a new venture but I was rewarded for my work performance.  So it balances out.  And I will continue to trust that God has a plan for me that will put my plans to shame! 

Here's to a great rest of the week, Divas!!!

Channeling Martha Stewart

The holiday cheer is definitely in the house!  This weekend I spent baking the following Christmas goodies:

• Chocolate/Peanut Butter Pretzels
• Chocolate/Sprinkle Dipped Pretzels
• Red Velvet Whoopie Cookies (using the new Cool Whip frosting as filling)
• Chocolate/Peppermint Bark
• Cardamom Shortbread

All of these items were immediately enrobed in plastic wrap, tucked in a tub, and hidden in the garage freezer in wait for the Shepard Family Christmas this coming Saturday.  I learned my lesson last weekend when the shortbread bites disappeared along with a large majority of the cheese crackers.

Also this weekend, Sam began his senior community project by volunteering at the local Habitat for Humanity.  He spent six hours Saturday staining wood and other projects at the local store. 

Along with working, Jordan spent his weekend performing in Journey to Bethlehem, his fourth year in a row participating in this community event.  Michael and I went to see it last night; we enjoyed the experience but not the two-hour wait to begin the Bethlehem tour.  \As always, Jordan kept in character when we passed him on the show.

Now today is Monday.  I woke up at 4am, unable to return to sleep due to being stuffed up, blowing my nose continuously.  Fearing Michael's rest would be destroyed, I snuck downstairs, cleaned the kitchen, read my email, and am now working on my blog.  However, my nose is still running!!  Benydryl is calling but this may be a recipe for sleepiness on my commute to work so I will have to forgo relief. 

Love Can Be Hard But It's Worth It!

Relationships are a bundle of emotions - joy, exasperation, laughter, love, anger, impatience, and passion.  And sometimes those emotions are hard to work through to reach a conclusion.  But that happened this week when my Michael and I talked and came to the conclusion that being together gives us so much happiness that being apart simply didn't make sense.  And thus we are back together.

Now for the fallout.  Unfortunately, in my high tech world, spontaneity overcame me and I changed my status on Facebook to Single.  Oh Facebook - a site similar to the corner grocery store from days past where each local who passed by shared and passed on to each other tiny to large pieces of trivia, gossip, and news.  Within minutes from my status change my wall began chiming along with my phone with texts asking how I was, what happened, etc.  Some judged, some expressed sweet sentiments, and some seemed to revel in my situation.  The best message I received was from my sister Eilene, who simply stated "I want you to be happy."   And isn't that what we should want for each other? 

Updating my FB status back to "In a Relationship", I chuckle at myself as I've become one of those posters who frequently update their status.  Married to Single to It's Complicated to Single to In a Relationship.  Oy vey!!  And I've learned a valuable lesson that perhaps my co-workers, my friends from grade school, and my high school classmates, the majority of whom I rarely if ever see, shouldn't be privy to such private information.  And given the chance to judge, comment, approve or disagree when, in matters of the heart, it is only my opinion which counts. 

So in this holiday season filled with hustle and bustle, let's remember the root cause for so much activity - love.  Give it, receive it, and spread it unconditionally among your family and friends.  Because when you find it, it's the greatest gift you could ever share with another person.

TGIF!!!

Homemade and Cheap - My Kind of Bargain!

Niece Maressa posted this homemade dishwasher detergent on Facebook, which she found from Simply Fine Print.  It's quite the bargain and I'm going to try it when my Cascade runs out!!

Homemade Dishwasher Detergent

Ingredients - all available in laundry detergent section of Walmart.
3 cups Borax (under $4)
3 cups washing soda -NOT baking soda. (under $4
1 1/2 cups salt
1 1/2 cup Lemi-Shine (or entire 12 oz bottle)

Mix all together.  Keep in a tub and use 2 Tbs per load.

A Wednesday Filled with Crackers, Cookies, and Cows!

Ouch!!

There's nothing like lunch with your son that makes you forget how your lips are so very chapped! 

For the last few days, my lips have increasingly grown drier, flakier, and downright painful!  Tuesday afternoon my bottom lip erupted into a cold sore, which is not only painful but the opposite of divaness. In addition, my lips had swollen so much I felt I was channeling an OC Real Housewife!

To treat my sore lips, I swung by Walgreens on the way home from work and picked up Carmex along with lip ointment which guaranteed to heal my chanker in half the time.  After swathing my lips with both all Tuesday night, there was some relief when I woke up Wednesday morning.  However, in addition to my infected lips, my neck bore a bathroom battle wound - a self-inflicted burn incurred by my large curling iron that was self-inflicted.  So not only did I have oozing lips but a burn that resembled a hickey.  Paleez!!! I felt truly like the definition of the local high school ho - diseased lip and hickied neck.  I might as well as topped it off with mononucleosis!  Thankfully, I had taken Wednesday off so my day could be spent incognito wrapped in a scarf and swaddled with Campho Phenique, which I am sure clashed with my Juicy Couture perfume!

After taking care of some business in the morning, Jordan then joined me as we stopped for his appointment then we made our way to one of our favorite lunch spots - Country Folks Deli.  My meal consisted of broccoli soup and a half veggie sandwich; Jordan inhaled a Cordon Bleau sandwich along with a Peanut Butter/Chocolate shake. 

It was so nice to sit and discuss work, friends, and life in general with my oldest son.  I'm so proud of him for overcoming many obstacles in order to mature and now hold a job.  It's cool to see him becoming so responsible.  It's also enjoyable to trade war stories from each of our jobs.  That Cow Deli lunch was quite the bonding moment with my oldest son and for that I'm truly blessed.

Following lunch we browsed a few shops in downtown Longview before hitting Target pharmacy, Safeway gas, then home.  Jordan took a nap while my next adventure was baking!  My recent shortbread bites were such a big hit I decided to make a double batch to share at the family Christmas party.  Tweaking the design a bit, I added bright pink to one batch and bright green to another, then put them together to result in exceedingly colorful shortbread bites.  Not only yummy but visually entertaining!

Crackers and Cookies

Along with the shortbread, I dug out a recipe from one of my Taste of Home cookbooks - Crispy Cheddar Crackers.  Doubling that batch resulted in a HUGE recipe; my rolling pin has never seen such action.  At that point I was truly grateful one of my recent purchases included an $8 trio of baking sheets!

All of my baking goods received big thumbs up from the resident food critics, Sam and Jordan.  So much so that the shortbread bites may not make it to the family party and I'll be forced to make another double, or even triple, batch.  

It's back to work today.  Lips still on the mend and my faux hickey has faded significantly so perhaps I can leave my scarf at home.  Enjoy your day, Divas, and may you not be mistaken for the town tramp!!!

Love Actually.....Love It!

Clip from one of my favorite movies!!!



 

Lovin Me Some Charlie Brown

Shopping and Shortbread Eases the Blues

Sometimes in life, no matter the connection, no matter the fit of personality or spark of love, events occur that simply make what once seemed so absolutely right unfortunately wrong.  And for this reason Michael and I are no longer together.  We both continue to be fabulous, intelligent, and humorous people but, perhaps due to the stars, destiny, or simply, in Hollywood terms, irreconcilable differences, we broke off our relationship today. 

Instead of moping at home, watching holiday movies sure to invoke a sob fest, I cleaned myself up and took to the streets.  To be exact, the streets of the mall, zoning out with my favorite scavenger hunt activity...browsing for clearance treasure.  Pier One took up almost an hour of my time; I hadn't been in there for months.  Packed to the rafters with Christmas displays, it ate up a big chunk of my retail therapy quest.  It was then on to the soon-to-be-closed Sears store (only 20% off...no thanks) then onward to JC Penny, Payless, and Pac Sun, which was also going out of business.  Nothing caught my eye.

Departing the mall, my final stop was Fred Meyer, which seemed to be quite the Sunday shopping meca.  A good majority of my time was giving advice to a former co-worker who crossed my path and who had recently been laid off.  Between unemployment, Cobra, and on-line job sites, this soaked up a good 30 minutes, which helped keep my mind off affairs of my heart.

After arriving home, putting away the groceries, and grabbing a bite to eat, my next task was to clean my room.  Can you see how very desperate I was to keep my mind occupied?  Hung apparel, put away tees, then made the bed, all while watching Cupcake Wars on Food Network. 

Shortbread Bites

Subliminally the food channel spurred me to make Shortbread Bites from Delish.com.  I was even inspired to use the convection oven setting (for the first time!) to cook these little buggers.  While they baked, I painted my toenails a lovely dark green with sparkly green topcoat in honor of the holiday season. These will go nicely against my hands, which were painted last night red on eight nails with accents of the sparkly green on each ring finger.  Anything to bring a little merry into my life.

And thus here I arrive, writing my blog.  I'm determined to set aside some me time in the coming weeks, not only to enjoy the holiday but to ponder what may lay ahead for me in the next chapter of my life.